


Save me from Perdition

by what_about_the_fish



Series: Tumblr Prompts and Drabbles [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6820951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_about_the_fish/pseuds/what_about_the_fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been a good day, a busy day really, no time to stop and think… sometimes that was a blessing in disguise and maybe that was so today too. </p>
<p>But now he had stopped, he was home, and the house was empty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save me from Perdition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kittenbot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenbot/gifts).



It snuck up quietly, like it always did.  First the edges of his consciousness started to shrink, little by little tightening  until his heart felt as if it were inside a vice.  By the time it was bad, like really bad it was always too late.

It had been a good day, a busy day really, no time to stop and think… sometimes that was a blessing in disguise and maybe that was so today too. 

But now he had stopped, he was home, and the house was empty, 

Cas hadn’t finished work yet, Dean looked at his watch swearing under his breath, _at least another half hour_ he could do this, he could.  Dean stood up from the armchair he’d been purched on and started pacing the small home. 

His mind was a swirl of everything and nothing as his heart started to beat double time. Maybe if he could just pinpoint why, why he was feeling this way, why his heart felt as though it was trying to escape his chest, and why he wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or vomit or both in an ugly mess right here and now on the kitchen floor he’d be able to stop it before it got too bad. 

_i’m in the kitchen? when did i get her?_

The present was not fluid, he was catching himself in fleeting moments.  one minute he was in the kitchen, the next he was in the bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror.  His face felt distant, wrong, unfamiliar.  The person looking back wasn’t right.

Why?  why was this stranger in his body, taking control, squeezing his insides and poking his mind.  

_It was something I said.  I must have said something stupid, god i’ve fucked up now, i can’t even take it back.  It’s out there now, out there and never coming back._

_“_ Shut up!” He shouted into the hallway, his hands moved up to his head, pulling his hair roughly in an effort to bring himself back from the edge.  He was so close to falling off the precipice straight into the dark of absolute panic. 

_Hold it together, Winchester._

_——-_

All the lights were off when Cas walked into the home.   _Dean should be home by now._  Cas walked into the lounge, turning on a few of the lamps as he went, letting the warm orange glow fill the corners of the room.  

“Dean, you home?”  He called into the dark hallway.  He heard a rough, painful sob coming from the laundry, and dropped everything to run towards the sound.

Dean was huddled up against the washing machine hugging his knees to his chest, his eyes were distant and his cheeks tear stained.  Cas could see the slight tremor run through his whole body like an electric pulse was pumping through his veins.

“Dean, honey, I’m home now.  It’s going to be ok now, i’m here.”  Cas whispered as he moved slowly towards his partner.

He lowered himself to the floor and shuffled until his side was touching Dean from shoulder to hip.  shushing in soothing tones he took one of Dean’s hands from his knee, the vice like grip only giving way after Cas stroked his thumb over the back of Dean’s knuckles several times.

The action seemed to unlock the prison Dean had lost himself in, and another gut wrenching sob was drawn from his chest.  Cas used this moment to pull Dean under his arm, grasping his freed hand in his own, interlacing their fingers and pulling that hand close to his own heart.

“Honey, it’s ok, you’re safe, you’re loved.  It’s just you and me.”  Cas cooed, as he ran his fingers through the short strands of hair at the base of Dean’s neck. “Breath with me, that’s it, like we’ve practiced.  In through the nose, 2, 3, 4 out though the mouth 2, 3, 4″

——-

Dean could feel the fog lifting, the vice loosening slowly.  He was becoming aware of his surroundings again, the cold tiles on the floor pressing into his buttocks.

The soothing deep tone of Cas’ voice, counting and breathing _oh yeah, i should follow what he’s saying.  Cas knows best._ What little function his brain could muster focused all it’s attention on the rumble right next to his ear.

Cas’ presence was like a rope, something to attach himself to, to stop from falling.  Dean clung on, his focus on sound and touch alone.  He let his mind switch off, he didn’t need it while Cas was here.  He was safe.

The muscles that had tightened began to let go, first his legs slide down, almost touching the wall in the small space.  The steady touches at the base of his neck worked their magic turning stone into putty.  

The best thing was the quiet thud of Cas’ heart beating into his ear, as his body wrapped itself around his lover, his saviour.

“Thank you.”  He whispered.  

“I love you.”  Cas replied.

——–

It would never be perfect, these attacks were a part of him.  Cas had helped him so much and at least now they were rare, but they still came.  

But every time Cas was there to pull him from perdition.  His Angel.


End file.
